I can’t seem to find what has me roaving around the same light pole at the exact same time
What keeps me tripin over the same problem
Agitated by the same people even though their dead and gone
Find myself attracted to the same kind of woman
No I’m not sinning
But they got this mind set that they can’t make it
So sometimes I fake it
Kinda feel obligated to take them there as a friend
Then I keep on moving
I’m voting like I’m choking
Being forced to do what I’ve always done
No matter if my fav candidate is a serial criminal
This don’t make sense
Cause I feel guilty when I look over the fence to vote against this
I mean it’s illegal what they did but I yet still vote for them
What’s got me in bondage to this drama?
Almost eating my own vomit
Cause I know I’m gone get sick
This is stupidddd!
I recently figured it out
It’s the truth with no doubt
It’s my conscience
That has me in this bondage
It ain’t the man
Regardless of what he’s done, do or going to do
Ain’t the government or a special interests group
No one brought me there I came on my own because I’m a slave to a eight year old
Forged and shaped since I was at lease eight
Impressed and dressed to never think for myself
Religion reinforced to just pay attention on Sunday with another thump on Wednesday
Then I was free to wonder till my conscience was conditioned to believe that I was destined to be that image deep inside my brain
Soon I became 18, 21, 29, 35
And now I’m a bit over 50
I was existing but knew I wasn’t really alive and living
Something was controlling my life from way deep inside
Voices speaking
Even Condeming
Unrelenting pressure to find that light pole and take another stroll
Kick the person that hurt me
Not even thinking about forgiving
I’m sweating drops of acid
That disfigures my countenance for that moment
How come it’s like this even as a Christian
I claim I’m free
Yet act like I’m on detention
Guilty for nothing but accused by the 8 year old still inside my mind
No wonder so many people are angry
cursing God and don’t know why
Go into a rage because they were looked at at a traffic light
We are all in a free fall of pain
Looking for some love, a hug, a friend, shelter from the rain that we ourselves put ourselves in
That little girl
That little boy
That’s only 8 has mastered us…
But it’s not too late to change
It was this that made me realize that through Christ I’m not only alive but free way pass my mind
But in my conscience especially
It says this in Hebrews 9:14
How much more shall the blood of Christ… purge your conscience from dead works to serve the living God.
As I read this that 8 year old embedded inside my soul
Starting screaming, spitting, kicking and even threatening me
My spirit shifted
Cause I felt lifted just rereading this
Yea it was the bible
But It starting to make sense
The connection was evident
Blood
Death
Life
It would take a new blood for a trasfusion of the old blood that kept this eight year old talking inside
It would take someone else’s death in place of my death to make me alive… that’s called being born again
I said it with faith but this time out loud
THROUGH CHRIST BLOOD MY CONSCIENCE is PURGED FROM DEAD WORKS TO SERVE THE LIVING GOD!
The voice of that eight year old
That old light pole
Even unresolved women begin to dissolve before my face
After a few days they were gone
Since then I’m a new man
No longer feeling less than
Guilty, dirty and unworthy
I don’t even think of those things I use to do because they’ve been purged
Don’t even have the urge
My time is spent in living the newness of life
Only found in and through the one who can purge to the depth of my conscience – He tasted death for me then became the resurrected Christ
I’m no longer eight